Marsha Stevens-Pino

A Child’s View

Sometimes “a little child shall lead them” comes true even in the wilderness. I have always loathed the times someone has fixed me with a doleful stare and said, “How do your children deal with your lifestyle?” My knee jerk reaction is to say, “Better than you do, obviously.” Clearly these people are seeing my life as a tragedy, particularly one foisted upon my innocent offspring.

But far more often, my kids are the ones to keep me on track and grounded in reality. Two times come to mind with my daughter. One as a young teenager, when she asked if a boy she liked could attend a family function. I told her this was an event where I did not want to have to be careful not to call my lover “dear” or avoid holding hands. She looked mildly incredulous. “Is that the only reason he can’t come?” I said it was. Not a minute later she was back, telephone in hand, “OK, he knows you’re a lesbian. Now can he come?” Flabbergasted, I asked how he had received this news. Now, she was exasperated. “Mom, he would care if I was gay!” (Do I think I’m the center of the universe, or what?)

Another time I had been approached to have the story of my coming out condensed and included in someone else’s book. I told my daughter about the request and expressed my concern that, since the book had a particularly inflammatory title, it might get back to her - especially since she still attended a Christian school. She nodded. Yes, this was true. “Well,” I pursued, “I’m afraid that might be embarrassing for you.” It might, she conceded. I said, “Honey, I need a little better answer than that. I need to get back to this woman with an answer.” Now, for some reason I didn’t quite see coming, I had her attention. “You didn’t give her an answer, Mom?? What are you gonna say? ‘No, I won’t tell you what Jesus has done in my life’?”

Out of the mouths of…well, even teenagers, come paths of clarity out of the wilderness. No, gay mother, you are not the center of the universe. And, yes, Mom, you are called to give an answer to anyone who asks, to give a reason for the hope that is within you…still.

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