Kerry Deeney and Maria Paiz
The story of our quest to adopt started when I knew with all my heart that I loved Maria more than I thought possible. Maria and I met when I was 21 and she was 31. I was in college, she was out of college; we were on different paths.
Our relationship did not become serious until I was 26. At this time, we chose to live together, and then we took the next step and adopted a dog. I honestly felt content and happy, however, I would have this occasional twinge in my heart telling me I wanted a baby. Maria never considered having children, she always felt it was never a possibility, so she never let herself imagine being a parent.
We started talking about the possibility about 3-4 years before we even contacted an adoption agency. I became increasingly tearful when I would see a baby or even hear about stories of children. We both thought that maybe my maternal clock was ticking (it’s still ticking!!) and the feelings would disappear. As we are waiting for my maternal clock to stop, Maria and I are experiencing a very deep and loving relationship. The more time that passed the more in love we became. We both started to feel ready for the next step, to start a family.
One day we were relaxing on the couch and Maria said I am ready to be a parent. It was the most natural conversation. We both had matured and grown as individuals and felt very complete and settled in our lives.
Adoption was a natural choice for us. We never tried any other method. We both feel that all children deserve happy and safe home. Open adoption is also very important to us. We feel that our child has the right to know as much information as possible about his or her birthparents. The adoption process has been hard and very long. The most unexpected experience we have had during this process was with the first adoption agency we called. This agency is very large and well known. I called and was very upfront that I was a lesbian looking to adopt a child with my lesbian partner. I was told no problem. We proceeded to discuss the process to which we needed to follow to register with this agency. When we were done on the phone the representative informed me that I needed to call back and speak with someone else and act as if I was single. I felt so frustrated and set up. My hopes of becoming a parent, in an honest, upfront way, shattered at that moment. I considered calling back and pretending I was single. It was a fleeting thought. Maria and I have no interest in starting our family based on a lie about who we are as people.
The search was on to find an agency that supported our lifestyle and our integrity. After much searching, we found the perfect agency for us. We have experienced no other discrimination to date.
The part that no one told us about was the emotional highs and lows. We both know that this could be a very long process but we had no clue that waiting could be exciting and sad. We almost feel that life is on hold, because we are afraid to make too many plans. The baby could arrive any day or any month even in a year or two. We wish someone could tell us how to live while still keeping our baby as the priority.
Parenthood for us is going to be fun! Maria and I are very easy going and we love to be silly. We spoil our nieces and nephews and look forward to doing the same to our child. I am sure we will make lots of mistakes, yet we are a strong unit and will be able to laugh at ourselves and enjoy the experiences of parenthood while guiding our child to be their true selves in life and love.
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